“Tell you what – I’ll throw-in The Dartford Crossing and Northern Rock”

• It appears That the Government is about to hold a boot sale. One would like to say that they were selling-off the family silver but unfortunately, that’s already gone. Gordon Brown does not have the best record for selling the country’s assets- the most well-known being his sale of our gold reserves. He sold at the bottom of the market at somewhere near $200 per pounce CLICK HERE. Today, gold is trading at well over $1000 an ounce and because of the ever-weakening dollar, the price is set to rise even more.
• When Brown sells the world’s biggest traffic jam – otherwise known as the Dartford Crossing – just watch those crossing prices go up. Very soon, loose change will not be enough. Incidentally, the Dartford Crossing was to be free once construction costs had been covered. That was a while ago.
• There have been two previous attempts to sell the Tote but there were no buyers. If it is finally sold, then half of the proceeds have to go back into the racing industry as part of an agreement between the Government and the racing industry. The Government’s announcement was a surprise to many people, including Trevor Beaumont, the Tote’s Chief Executive.“This news comes as a real surprise,” he said, “because racing has been working closely with the Tote for months and the possibility of this happening has never ever been mentioned. There was a deal done through Gerry Sutcliffe [the sports minister] and it was reiterated at that time that 50% of the proceeds of any sale would be given to racing. So, if the Tote is sold to an outside venture, one would hope the government would honour that.” The two previous offers for the Tote were £320 million and £400 million. They were both turned down. The government will probably “net” about £200 million
• The student loan book is also up for sale. That should be fun for any purchaser as student loans are very difficult to enforce and will therefore have to be sold at well below the true market value. Also from a timing point of view – especially with the present publicity centred around poverty-stricken students still awaiting their loans, the value will  of the loan book is bound to suffer even more.  
• The Channel Tunnel rail link and the Government’s stake in Urenco, which enriches uranium for nuclear power stations worldwide, will also be offered to private bidders in the next two years. Urenco is jointly owned by the British, German and Dutch governments, and British Nuclear Group. Urenco also cleans up old nuclear power stations.
• In total the Government hopes to raise about £16 billion, whereas the country’s current debt-level stands at over £800 billion. A bit like peeing in the ocean.

• MPs are back for the start of the Westminster autumn term. It seems that the expenses scandal is about to rear its ugly head again and about 350 MPs will be asked to return some of their ill-gotten expenses. Many are already saying that they will refuse to repay any money and there has also been talk of litigation. In case you are wondering why some MPs don’t do the honourable thing and resign, the reason is simple. If they manage to stagger-on to the end of this Parliament which is rumoured to be sometime in May, they will preserve all of their pension benefits. Self-interest before honour? Surely not!

• Greenpeace protesters are camped on the Palace of Westminster ROOF. So much for security. One of the protesters was telephoned this morning and asked “How did you manage to get up on the roof?”  The stunning reply was “Ladders.”  Never thought of that one! Presumably, the Police had been expecting helicopters or a bit of Greenpeace skydiving – but those sneaky bastards used ladders. No doubt the police contribution will be the usual sandwiches, hot tea and blankets.

• How much is the taxpayer likely to receive in either erroneously or fraudulently claimed MP expenses? Let us assume that 500 MPs repay £1000 each. That will produce  half-a-million pounds. Set that against the expense of enquiries, reviews and all the other admin devices designed to swallow-up even more public money. Is it not about time that a line was drawn under the whole affair and everything claimed so far written-off? We know that there was banditry, naughtiness-with-intent and in some cases, downright badness. We also know that there may be legal challenges by MPs who will claim that new rules cannot be applied retrospectively. Very few will go quietly and all that will be produced is even more revenue for the legal profession. The best solution? An amnesty and a new beginning. Pragmatism and not the witch-hunt should reign.  Both the Daily Telegraph and the public have had enough fun – time to move on. 

• Another spygun prediction. There is no way that the government will be able to resist the sale of certain parts of one of its biggest assets – the National Health Service. How do I know? I’m afraid that I cannot tell you. I can tell you, however that the rationale will be breathtakingly good.

• JOKE OR GOVERNMENT PARABLE?  I was sitting in a restaurant and called the waiter over. “That was a delicious meal,” I said “Would you please prepare the bill.” The waiter returned with the bill. It added up to £2.50. I was surprised. ” We had two bottles of Bollinger, your best Claret , Caviar, Truffles, Chateaubriand, a ton of other stuff and there are six of us.” I said “This must be the wrong bill. Are you the owner of this restaurant? If you are, you’ll be bankrupt if you carry on like this. Has there been some sort of mistake?” The waiter replied, ” No mistake. Just pay the £2.50 – no make that £1.50 and then piss off”  I was dumfounded. ” Do you realise what you are doing to this restaurant? Go and get me the owner. Where is the owner?” The waiter replied ” The owner is upstairs with my wife.”  Once again, I was surprised. ” What is he doing upstairs with your wife?”  He smiled: ” The same as I am doing to his restaurant.”

• Michael Luff, Chairman of the Parliamentary Business Committe was surprisingly witty today.  Margaret Thatcher famously said – referring to Willie Whitelaw – ” Every Prime Minister needs a Willie.”  Michael Luff asked Darth Mandelson whether he was “Gordon Brown’s Willie”. Mandelson was dumbstruck for a few long seconds before he managed to mumble something about ” wishing to extend the metaphor but decorum……..” He was so nonplussed that he could not finish the sentence. Unfortunately, Luff rescued him by changing the subject. Shame.