‘Office Politics’ Archives
Tuesday September 29th 2009
Interesting statistic which doesn’t appear to be receiving the publicity that it deserves: In the United States, a house is foreclosed or repossessed every 7.5 seconds. As usual, the politicians are taking care of business at the macro-level, while the grass-roots are burning. It is an excellent idea for Gordon Brown to take-on the other two Party leaders in televised debates. Any future Conservative or Liberal vote should be a “pro” Conservative or Liberal vote and not an [...]
Sorry seems to be the hardest word.
Gordon Brown's letter to Sir Gus O'Donnell, the Head of the Civil Service has seven paragraphs. Five of them begin with "I". Unpopular leaders realise that their enemies are all around them and ultimately they feel threatened by every one - even those whose careers they enhanced and who they feel should owe them allegiance. When they reach that inevitable stage, they are well and truly in the arms of the hired help - the advisors. And it is no surprise to learn that most advisors are just as [...]
VAT are you saying?
Alistair the house elf This Government and the banks have a lot in common. They have both enjoyed many years of negligible economic turbulence and zero competition. The good times may have continued if either had noticed that Wall Street had invented the real weapons of mass destruction - the financial ones. The banks had sliced, chopped, diced and mixed bad mortgages and fashioned them into contaminative instruments of death with a built-in time fuse. The bankers' handiwork has [...]
Selina’s Sell-by Date.
Selina Scott looks as if she is going to sue Channel 5 for femino-ageist naughtiness. She says that she had been hired to read the news while Natasha Kaplinsky was on leave but Channel 5 went back its word and hired someone else. They hired Isla Tranquair and Matt Barbet. Unfortunately, they are both younger than Ms Scott - and probaby cheaper as well. But this is not about money. This has to be about the scourge of ageism. Ms Scott is 57. Isla's and Matt's combined [...]
One that is wearingly dull, repetitive, or tedious.
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the accountant, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. There are so many unfair jokes which poke fun at accountants. Here are some more: An accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turned into a golden coach. The accountant concluded the story: " [...]
Office Politics 8 – The Boss Part 2
A junior from the accounts department sends your Expense Claim form back to you with a note indicating the discrepancy of 1p between the Happy Eater invoice that you submitted and your claim . His rather supercilious memo indicates that the appropriate adjustment should be made and the form resubmitted. You change the entry on the Claim form and then resubmit it. It comes back another week later accompanied by a memo from the same accounts junior saying that you omitted to enclose [...]
Office Politics 7 – The Boss
Your progress as an office politician is dependant on how you get on with the people around you. Unfortunately, no matter how popular you are with them, their contribution to your blitz through the organisation is small compared to the leg-up that you can be given by your Boss. “ God created man in his own image” has been true for several thousand years now and it certainly applies to how individuals are chosen by managers. Therefore, if your Boss is a tosser and [...]
Office Politics 6 The first day
Congratulations, you got it. Legally people can get rid of you with in the first few months without even a verbal warning, so continue to behave yourself for at least that long . The first day is crucial. You are now creating a first impression. At this very first appearance no actual work is required but let that not make you too complacent. You are still being observed and assessed but this time it is by your workmates. You want to appear modest, friendly and a team player. How do [...]
Office Politics 5 – The Personnel Manager
This is the one man (or woman) with far more power than his lowly status would suggest. He can make or break you. Treat him as if he runs the place, he very often thinks he does. The American version has evolved into a very different animal to his typically British counterpart. Be aware of this if you are joining a US company because another approach is required. Your Brit is probably an expressive with a sociology degree, whereas the Yank has a Masters degree in Business [...]
Office Politics 4 – The Interview
There was never a truer saying than “ You only get one chance to create a first impression. “ Make it a good one. Dress the part. Men, if you have a suit, wear it, but only if it is less than 15 years old. Avoid woollies under the jacket as in Mr Nelson Mandela and pens in the breast pocket are definitely outré. Women, dress smartly, avoid showing too much cleavage unless the Boss is a known sex-maniac and then think seriously about whether you really want the job. Make-up is a [...]
Office Politics 3 – Your CV bits and pieces
A professional reading your CV knows that because you have produced a document which is supposed to market you, there will be exaggerations and perhaps some downright lies. There is little harm in amplifying say, the importance and responsibilities of your previous job(s) but if you are going to lie about your qualifications, be careful. A few GCSEs here or there makes little difference because no-one ever checks. Just be careful when claiming a PhD or Nobel Prize or something that [...]
Office Politics 2 – Your CV hobbies
You can't wait until middle management to learn about office politics because they start NOW - on day one. In fact, even before that. Your CV is the beginning, so let us start with that. The CV is designed to show you in the best possible light. Your prospective employer sees it as a statement of fact but to you it is a marketing document - even a sales pitch. Either get the CV done professionally but certainly use a PC and a decent printer. No battered old Remingtons. White paper is best - [...]
Office Politics 1
You may be asking yourself whether it is fair that in the corporate jungle, your considerable education, integrity, knowledge and skills can count for less than factors such as your appearance, the way you speak and your general political acumen. It is not fair. However, while you are up there in the sunshine, swinging through the green canopy of the corporate forest towards the big tree of superstardom, you are being overtaken by slimeballs in the undergrowth who are far less able that you - [...]
