‘Media’ Archives
Inglaterra to win?
"I make you da offer you can understand" John Terry gave the game away after the full-time whistle was blown when he and his team-mates were putting together their staged "let's form a team circle" stunt. They were celebrating a 1-0 defeat of the Slovenians who are from a tiny country with a population 2 million and a first division of ten teams, formed as recently as 1991. Did you notice Terry (who seems to have forgotten that he has been relieved of the England captaincy) [...]
RIP English football.
Capello and Friend We football fans need heroes, we need supermen to represent us and to show the world what we're made of. We believe that we are the chosen ones. So where are our English heroes? Where are the latter-day longbowmen of England? What happened to them? Have they become too lazy and spoiled? Have they had it too easy? They have to be found before it's too late. I have loved football all my life and many of my early memories are of playing not on well-drained and [...]
World Cup depresssion
"The (round) Jabulani ball" The way that the World Cup is shaping up for England does not look too good. You know, the West Ham goalie with a ball-catching problem, a centre-forward who does not score goals, ITV presenter Adrian Chiles who has the air of a garage mechanic who's waiting for the Samaritans to call back and thick football pundits who are in permanent cliché mode: "It's a big ask" ; "Watching Brazil play is just like watching Brazil play"; "Only just offside"; " It's [...]
Obama – Oil spill is Cameron’s fault.
Q: What do you call something black, thick and crude which ruins lives? A: Mr President. The oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico has now cost BP £1.1bn ($1.6bn) and the pressure on the oil giant is likely to intensify over the next few days. Over 51,000 claims have been submitted since the MC252 oil well blew up in the Gulf of Mexico in April, and more than 26,500 payments have already been made, totalling over £42 million ($62m). Meanwhile, the REAL (American) culprits appear [...]
Holy Homo!
There has been another mealy-mouthed apology from Pope Ratz. Another apology without acceptance of either liability or accountability. Satan wasn't mentioned but the Vatican has already indicated that he is implicated. Otherwise, how could the Vatican possibly accept the well-established fact that Catholic priests have been buggering children for several hundred years. It seems that "vulnerable" priests succumbed to Satan while god wasn't looking. Below is the latest apology [...]
Gordon the Goofer Part 2
" So how about a Damehood, a ride in the Jag AND new double-glazing?" Even before it all kicked-off, this mini-tragedy had the all edgy qualities of Borat at a W.I meeting. The Prologue had it all. We witnessed not-only the social skills of Borat, the communication skills of an accountant-farmer, the smile of a tomcat regurgitating a fur-ball and the dress-sense of a demobbed Albanian but there was a co-star! The co-star was an opinionated grandmother in a bizarre red-lapelled [...]
Cheryl Cole minor strife
Ashley and Cheryl Cole - two thick working-class pikeys who we somehow expect to behave respectably, simply because of the very thin veneer of respectability afforded them by the presence of a shed-load of money. Cheryl Cole is a convicted thug as is her brother Andrew Tweedy who has 70 convictions. So far, Ashley Cole only has the usual array of a footballer's driving convictions but his current claim to fame is his infidelity. Footballers are not renowned for their intellect - in fact, [...]
National Treasure
Actor, writer, dramatist, filmmaker, theatre director, screenwriter, comedian, humorist, newspaper and magazine columnist, radio broadcaster and television presenter. A great wit and raconteur and for much of his career, a fixture on television talk shows and the occasional lecturer and debater. A respected intellectual and friend to the stars with a uniquely idiosyncratic approach to the English language. Winner of numerous awards as well as being a poet, novelist and [...]
Clarkson on Mandelson
The following article by Jeremy Clarkson was to be published in the Sunday Times but was 'pulled' - probably by the subject of the article, Mandelson. But poor old Darth Mandelson fails to appreciate how the blogsphere works and in no time at all, the article is going viral all around the world. Thanks to him, the article will now be read by several million people instead of just the forty-three people who normally read the Sunday Times. Jeremy [...]
Winter Blunderland
Here are three winter videos which I hope make you laugh as much as they did me. Just click on each of the pictures below:
Twenty-one 2010 predictions
On 15th May 2008, I predicted the nationalisation of British Banks. On 20th April 2009, I predicted that by the end of the year the FTSE 100 would fall to below 2500. On 3rd November 2009, I predicted the collapse of the dollar and of the pound-sterling The first prediction has come to pass - in all but name. The third prediction is about to come true. The FTSE 100 prediction of 2500 was out by a factor of over 100% - so what happened? Quantitative Easing is what happened. Very [...]
Tiger Nuts
So we've discovered that Tiger finds it difficult to keep it in his trousers. Everyone has views - even the Grand Dames of Fleet Street have spoken and the consensus seems to be that Tiger has been a bad person. Lovely wife, beautiful children and lots of money. Ergo the man has had everything and he blew it. Newspapers are crossing-off his sponsors slightly too gleefully and we are all experiencing that comforting touch of "schadenfreude" and are secretly almost glad that Tiger has [...]
Gobbledygook awards
Congratulations.The Plain English Campaign has awarded the Golden Bull to the following (translations are provided in brackets): Peter Mandelson: Perhaps we need not more people looking round more corners but the same people looking round more corners more thoroughly to avoid the small things detracting from the big things the Prime Minister is getting right. (MPs need better scrutiny - not more scrutiny) The Department of Health: Primary prevention includes health promotion and requires [...]
Great tits
I have just spotted an "I'm a Celebrity" photo in one of the down-market Sunday red-tops and it's making me feel a bit squiffy. I can hardly keep the roast down. It is a snap of the tit-obsessed, delusional panto dame Kim Woodburn. She is sitting on a log, legs wide apart, eating rice and beans. Still, I suppose she's keeping the flies off everyone else's food.
Stacey Rat
It has taken many weeks for some of us to figure this one out. The "lightbulb moment" arrived near the beginning of last night's X-Factor. Stacey Solomon was wearing a hat and it was the hat which made it all so obvious. It then became totally clear when Dermot interviewed her after the first song. She sounds (and looks) like Roland Rat's sister! It's uncanny. The head-shaking, the teeth, the accent and the way she manages to make whole sentences sound like long words. Good luck [...]
Happy Days!
Just happy that the Wicked Witch of the Breast, Jordan has left "I'm a Celebrity" before she was booted off and that little Lloyd was finally kicked off the X-factor. Does that mean that there is a God? STOP PRESS: George Hamilton has buggered off as well! Taxi! Or, at the rate that they're leaving - should that be minibus?
Water Mess!
" I could have sworn there was a pipe here!" Just watch those Water Industry shares go down the toilet! OFWAT has told them that over the next five years, their prices cannot rise higher than 5% below inflation. Scottish Water has also been told to reduce leaks by a third. The worst-hit companies will be those with a coastline because they have the added expense of keeping beaches clean. Plus the Sewer Adoption Scheme is due to go live in April or October 2011. That will hit them [...]
Price of Jordan.
Apparently ALL books, perfume, underwear, horse-riding gear etc which are being distributed under the Jordan brand are taking a bit of a nose-dive. Lower sales and an unwillingness of major stores to even distribute the goods appears to indicate the end of the Jordan obssession. That was all happening BEFORE Ms Price walked out of "I'm a Celebrity". Those in the know think that leving the show was a major mistake. Here's what Max Clifford has said: “In terms of PR, what Jordan did [...]
Gordon’s note – again
"Gotcha! You Pommie bastard." One cannot help but feel sorry for Jacqui Janes. Her son Jamie was killed in Afghanistan and she feels that he may have lived had a helicopter been available to transport him away from the war zone. The poor boy bled to death. The truth is that we'll never know. I have never been Gordon Brown's greatest fan but in spite of his apparent lack of decision-making capabilities, he is a profoundly decent man and should be believed when he says that [...]
Tried “Hotlegging”?
EVEN SOLDIERS PISS ON MONUMENTS Give pees a chance Pissing in public has always been a great student sport. Shop doorways, car parks, lifts, telephone boxes, graveyards and many other quiet venues have had their fair share. The secret is to do it discreetly and quickly. However Philip Laing, a 19-year-old student not only urinated over a poppy-wreath which happened to be on a war memorial but he was photographed doing it. His mum must be so proud - especially as the photo was [...]
Naughty pirates
DANGER-POLITICIANS NEGOTIATING Who said this? "Piracy and the taking of hostages is unacceptable in any circumstances. We call on those people who have taken the British citizens hostage to release them as soon as possible. They should abide by international law." Those Somali pirates must be really crapping themselves now that Gordon Brown has told them that they should "abide by international law". Gordon, you muppet - these are pirates and NOT abiding by the law is not-only implicit [...]
Question Slime
"Mr Griffin, stop holding that comb under you nose and do please put your arm down." The British are instinctively racist - and that's in spite of enjoying what is culturally the most diverse population in the world. There has been a growing fascination with the political far-Right since Fascism's heyday of the 1930s. Even King Edward Vlll experienced a certain "frisson" when in the company of either Adolf Hitler or Oswald Mosley. Many of England's ruling classes found a certain [...]
CWU – An Assisted Suicide.
The modern face of Royal Mail So the Royal Mail strike is on. It has been booked to continue for only two days but the fallout will last for the next few weeks. The Royal Mail system will not suddenly right itself after two days of inactivity. Letters, people, vans and parcels will not magically materialise at the depot where they are supposed to be. (more...)
Postman Prat
Royal Mail is going to hire 30,000 workers to "help" during the impending strike. Usually the Post Office hires only an additional 15,000 staff for the Christmas rush. Let us hope that this blatantly provocative gesture by the Royal Mail management does not backfire. Let us also hope that in their haste, they do not forget to run proper background checks on the people that they hire and so keep the number of thieves and terrorists to a minimum. Expensive temporary labour plus the millions in [...]
Friday October 2nd 2009
Ethiopia has suddenly become the focus for all anthropologists. An ancient skeleton was found in 1992 and it has taken 17 years for the research team to rebuild it. Why all the excitement? The skeleton belongs to an in-between species of humanoid about 4.4 million years old. It has been designated Ardipithecus Ramidus. It is not “the missing link” but by extrapolation, it appears that it is probably about 9 million years since the division between apes and humans. So where was John [...]
Wednesday September 30th 2009
So the Sun will not be supporting the Labour Party. No real problems there, except the usual one. Why should an Australian like Rupert Murdoch have any say in which newspaper supports which Party. The Sun is read largely by the drooling classes who are very susceptible but regrettably, there is very little that can be done. The Sun’s sister paper , the News of the World, no doubt is poised with some salacious Labour politician scandal ready-to-go. The Sun will not just be [...]
Tuesday September 29th 2009
Interesting statistic which doesn’t appear to be receiving the publicity that it deserves: In the United States, a house is foreclosed or repossessed every 7.5 seconds. As usual, the politicians are taking care of business at the macro-level, while the grass-roots are burning. It is an excellent idea for Gordon Brown to take-on the other two Party leaders in televised debates. Any future Conservative or Liberal vote should be a “pro” Conservative or Liberal vote and not an [...]
Monday September 28th 2009
Excellent headline grabbing by that jug-eared gargoyle Andrew Marr. He is without doubt a supreme journalist but his questioning of Gordon Brown yesterday was inexcusable. Suggesting that Brown needs prescription drugs to get through the day, followed by Brown’s admission that he has trouble with his eyesight was a direction that no journalist should steer. There is a real danger that if the Tory Press goes down the ” Brown’s a sick man and therefore unfit for office” route, there [...]
Sunday September 27th 2009
Just down the road in Brighton THEY are arriving for the Labour Party Conference - or should that be the New Labour Party Conference. Did we elect Labour or NEW LABOUR? Anyway, that’s now just a technicality or a long-forgotten dream of how things could or might have been. Here’s a Labour FACT, given to me by a friend who used to be Chief Barman at the Grand Hotel. More Champagne is consumed at the Labour Party Conference than at all other conferences and he told me stories of vintage [...]
Saturday September 26th 2009
The American Fed has issued the following statement: “To provide support to mortgage lending and housing markets, and to improve overall conditions in private credit markets, the Federal Reserve will purchase a total of $1.25 trillion of agency mortgage-backed securities and up to $200 billion of agency debt.” Now we can watch the demise of the once-mighty American Dollar. Fund Managers and Investors will now start dumping dollars like confetti. A TRILLION is a million millions [...]
Friday September 25th 2009
Friday September 25th 2009 The mole who leaked the MPs’ expenses information to the Daily Telegraph has revealed what motivated him to do so - apart that is, from the £110,000 fee that he was paid. It now appears that his primary motivation was not money but the fact that serving soldiers were “moonlighting” at the House of Commons. They were working in the Security department and protecting the Civil Servants who were dealing with confidential matters - one of which was [...]
Thursday September 24th 2009
The Government has criticised the Football Association for not reforming itself. It has also asked the F.A to spend more time and resources on ethnics and women as well as telling them that they should provide better leadership. Perhaps when the F.A has completed its restructuring it can then give H.M Government a few tips. Talk about Pot-Kettle. A recent U.S survey shows that many Americans think that Tony Blair is the British Prime Minister. Someone ought to tell them who the real UK [...]
Wednesday September 23rd 2009
Apparently, there is a small but statistically significant rise in patient deaths when junior doctors start work in August. Perhaps the same survey should be done with slightly different parameters: Before pubs open and after closing time. A friend sent me a cartoon yesterday which, for the first time, explained the constant Midde East conflict . Jewish man looking up at the sky saying, “Now, let me get this straight God. The Arabs get the oil and you want us to cut the end off [...]
Tuesday September 22nd 2009
Did you see Darth Mandelson being questioned on the subject of bankers’ bonuses last night? As Business Secretary, he has the power to stop the bankers in their tracks. But he cannot and he would not answer any bonus-related questions. General Stanley McChrystal, the top US commander in Afghanistan has warned that the war there could be lost unless there is an increase in troops within a year. He is asking for an additional 30,000 troops. This is truly developing into another [...]
Monday September 21st 2009
It now appears that Womens World 800m champion Caster Semenya was tested ages ago and there has been concern over her sex for months. The issue did not suddenly materialise at the last Word Championships. The whole thing has been handed so badly that there is every likelihood of IAAF resignations. Baroness Scotland will probably resign this week. If every politician who made a mistake resigned, Westminster would be empty by now. It looks as if Megrahi is going to be the first [...]
Clever but Dull
" I see no shits" There have been rumours again that as soon as a General Election is announced (probably May 2010) David Cameron will be challenging Gordon Brown to a Presidential-style live TV debate. That does not seem like a great move. WWF it ain't but Gordon "the Undertaker" Brown has nothing to lose and "Pretty Boy" Cameron has nothing to prove. The best that the Conservatives can hope for is that New Labour keeps Brown in place as Leader and Prime Minister. The two falls [...]
Antonio Polverino scores again!
There are two types of organisation that have made such huge financial rods for their backs that it looks as if they are beyond help. At first, it appears that they have little in common but if you look closely, you will see that they do share two very basic elements. The first is a weak and often unskilled boardroom and the other is direct access to the public's money. Another interesting similarity is that their personal incomes bear little relation to how they perform long-term. [...]
They shall definitely not grow old!
There is no honour in war. Dead soldiers are NOT heroes - they are just dead soldiers. The act of being blown up by a rocket is not an act of bravery - it is just bad luck. (more...)
The Great Dictator
Gordon Brown is perceived as a bumbling, rambling carthorse of a man who, by all accounts, 7 short days ago, was dead and buried. Keyboards were clattering, HBs were being sharpened and metaphors polished in readiness for the unavoidable event - his political death. Obits needed to be written and the "He was a good guy really" sincero-talk had to be prepared for the Newsnight tribute. Harold Wilson was right - because here we are, one week later and PMQs yesterday saw an invigorated, [...]
Give it a Tweak.
We are currently a single-concept country. It is still MPs' expenses - although Susan Boyle has also embedded herself in our psyche, providing very welcome relief from the ridicule and vilification of our Parliamentary representatives. The most disturbing thing though is not the range and volume (and ingenuity) of our Members of Parliament but the inertia of all our political leaders. It is now dawning on Joe Taxpayer that there isn't a single political leader who has any idea how to [...]
Those damned rules!
Elliot Morley MP did not "made a mistake" when he fraudulently claimed £800 per month for a non-existent mortgage. Likewise, Andrew MacKay MP and his wife and fellow MP, Julie Kirkbride knew exactly what they were doing when they were claiming for two "second homes". Two Labour Lords have allegedly been exposed as a couple of crooks who were willing to take cash in exchange for altering Laws. Again, these were not mistakes. The "It was within the Rules" mantra is no longer being trotted out [...]
G20 bender
These are the wines that were served up to the G20 delegates. The total bill for the wine was a bargain £6000 which is a small fraction of the total wining and dining bill which was approximately £500,000. Perhaps the taxpayer should be grateful. Here is the list: Château Pichon Longueville Comtesse de Lalande 1986 - 19 bottles @ £140 per bottle. Château Leoville Poyferré 1989 - 29 bottles @ £60 per bottle. Concha Y Toro Merlot Sunrise 2006 - 11 bottles @ £6 per bottle Domaine de [...]
Darling has the solution in his hands.
If you have read a good balance of the reporting and commentary on yesterday's budget, you will have realised by now that this was a political budget. The Chancellor and his puppet-master know that their stewardship of the economy has a maximum of 12 months to run and then , as is the fashion nowadays, the lecture and non-exec circuits beckon. There is light at the end of the tunnel for some but unfortunately, not for all. There is no point in raking through the coals of yesterday's return to [...]
Socialist? Moi?
The current Labour government is having a very tough time and a very bad situation is made worse by what appears to be a lack of leadership and management skill. Gordon Brown seems to feel that you can manage by changing the rules or by organising enquiries. You can imagine Brown being informed that more and more people are on the breadline and solving the problem by having an enquiry whose purpose would be to confirm that the breadline is in the right place and if not, recommending where [...]
Sorry seems to be the hardest word.
Gordon Brown's letter to Sir Gus O'Donnell, the Head of the Civil Service has seven paragraphs. Five of them begin with "I". Unpopular leaders realise that their enemies are all around them and ultimately they feel threatened by every one - even those whose careers they enhanced and who they feel should owe them allegiance. When they reach that inevitable stage, they are well and truly in the arms of the hired help - the advisors. And it is no surprise to learn that most advisors are just as [...]
G19 (+1)
"Sorry! That should have read: Monsieur Sarkozy is regarded by many as a cult" There ought to have been just the one hymn sheet because if there are several hymn sheets, we are in for a very discordant Thursday. Barack Obama is hoping that: " G20 countries will do what is necessary to promote trade and growth."M le President Sarkozy wants to create a Financial Interpol to police the financial services industry. The delusional Gordon Brown's not-so-hidden agenda is to rescue his [...]
Home Sexretary
What a laugh - Jacqui Smith's husband has been watching porn movies at the taxpayer's expense!!!! The red-tops are in a frenzy and poor Jacqui is both angry and embarrassed and there have been the usual mutterings of "We will of course pay it back." "Schadenfreude" was invented for this situation. The fact is that the type of film that he has been watching is irrelevant. The real argument is about MP's expenses. How many of us have never watched a porn movie? Admittedly, the fact that [...]
Oink!
The perfect line of curly tails has temporarily stopped flicking with pleasure because it seems that the trough of plenty is about to be removed. The squealing and slurping has stopped because the Mama Pig that is the taxpayer needs some respite. There is a real danger of drought - and it is not the drought predicted by the Global Warming Mullahs - it if the financial drought caused by the double-whammy of "on the take" bankers and their avaricious politician chums. The Home Secretary, Jacqui [...]
Revenue and Misappropriation
What the Banks really mean It is about time that the taxpayer was told exactly.what the banks have done with the money that they have been handed by the Government. Vague statements such as "plugging holes in the balance sheet" mean nothing to most people (including politicians). "Restoring confidence" in inter-bank lending is also a meaningless phrase as is "toxic assets". Alistair Darling has just asked the banks to "tidy up" their Balance Sheets. Does that mean that the banks [...]
I’m a real FRIC.
A Valuer FRICS Gordon Brown continues to speak with the conviction of a condemned man reading from a hurriedly-conceived briefing paper This time it is mortgages (again). No more 100% mortgages? I think that it is about time that the Prime Minister carried out a simple calculation as follows: Suppose that the Government (sorry, Northern Rock) lends 80% on a £100,000 property - that is an £80,000 mortgage. Then let's suppose that the property falls in value by 20%. That means that [...]
How to…………….
There has always been an insatiable craving for advice on quick fixes to situations which we encounter in our daily lives. There is no other explanation for the ever-accelerating sales of “How to...'' books. The very first in the field was Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people”. The demand for Benjamin Spock's tome on baby care – a sort of baby Haynes Manual - sold millions. There was even a book called “How to succeed in business without really [...]
Twitter to who?
Here in the UK, the gossip website Twitter.com has suddenly taken off like a rocket , all because of last week's discussion between His Holiness Stephen Fry and the potty-mouthed Jonathan (call me Ranker) Ross. Inevitably, Twitter has the usual itinerant population of Hypnotists, Holistic Healers, Motivational Speakers and "How would you like to make $3500 per day" merchants but it is so much fun. The idea is very simple – you register and put down your thoughts and deeds as [...]
Where’s that paddle?
No Government can ever act on the basis of certainty. It is always forced to act on the basis of probability. In other words, there is no REAL idea as to when the current financial mess will end so decisions and actions are based on a "best-guess" basis. Stock market prices lie in expectations for the future. It is a constant battle between optimism and pessimism. When there is optimism one expects: Confidence in the Banks and the Marketplace Consumers confident enough to [...]
Good Luck mate.
"And it shall be a government, too, that gives this country strength and confidence in leadership both at home and abroad.......................... It shall be a government rooted in strong values, the values of justice and progress and community, the values that have guided me all my political life. But a government ready with the courage to embrace the new ideas necessary to make those values live again for today's world - a government of practical measures in pursuit of noble causes. That [...]
KFC is not a Knighthood, Gordon!
As a management trainer I thought that I would give Gordon Brown and his motley band of funsters a basic (and free) lesson in management - purely to help then to concentrate their minds. During this week's PMQs, David Cameron referred to the "headless chicken". His brutally eloquent summing up of the Brown style , although unoriginal is perfectly accurate. There are only a few types of generally accepted styles of management. So which one is the Labour Party using?: 1. [...]
Don’t call me Paki, Mac.
The Brits have a curious and unique obssession. The Royal family. Prince Harry is currently being put through the wringer because he referred to one of his friends as "Paki". Of course, the Politically Correct brigade is collectively creaming itself because there are not too many opportunities which enable those sanctimonious prats to be be quite as outraged as this. The most racist people on the planet are the Brits - so why the hypocrisy? Here in the UK, the Blacks get it, as do the [...]
Goodbye Callisto!
Overheard conversation between the 7th Duke of Sutherland and a peasant: PEASANT: "So how did you come into the possession of this so-called Bridgewater Loan collection, m'Lud?" DUKE: " Well Brian, that's a funny story….. When the Froggies were busy beheading their aristocracy, a relative of Louis XVl flogged the paintings to one of my ancestors who was the Duke of Bridgewater - hence the name. We're a bit strapped at the moment so I thought that I might tap up the National [...]
Global Warning.
" This morning it was as big as Nigella's arse." We are currently experiencing the coldest December for 30 years. There are sectors of society which are welcoming the news - for instance, the antiques trade has always enjoyed a severe cold-snap - especially if it was linked to old dears not being able to afford to heat their homes. Really severe cold weather has always livened up antiques markets and auction houses. By late Spring there should be a very welcome glut of Clarice [...]
Dodgy Speaker
What image does the word "grooming" serve up to our collective twisted little psyche? A drooling pervert sitting in front of his laptop screen - sweaty comb-over glistening in the soft glow of the TFT screen, a trembling finger occasionally clicking a grubby little mouse, a handy box of Kleenex and heavy breathing as he leers at the youngcivilservant.com chatroom as he types " GT SUM IFNO FR ME TDAY? I FEEL I RLLY KNOW U NOW." But enough about Scotland Yard. The real villain [...]
Soundbite Brown
"Osborne? Io sono huomo di cortelle e si tu no mascolta io te do na cortelatta." George Osborne has said Mr Brown's attempts to secure a global agreement for a fiscal stimulus package have failed. It pains me to agree with the Shadow Chancellor but he is right. Many (about 3500) fine words have emerged from last weekend's G20 meeting. But what has really been achieved except perhaps an agreement to have another meeting in 2009? Oh yes, there was a statement that the G20 are going to [...]
Obamaburger.
Obama orders a burger: "As the pink fingers of dawn caress the pale face of this momentous day, I would ask something of you - my fellow American........... Take your gnarled hand , so majestically hewn by generations of selfish and greed-inspired economic oppression and reach............yes, reach for that burger bun ( Yes we can!) and having split it with the ice-sharp steel of your artisan knife - thrust into it the onion-laced beef and hand it to me - for I am like you . I am your [...]
Russ and Ross – Dumb and Dumber.
"He fuck my granddaughter so I fuck him and his friend. Pajeros! " So Jonathan Ross told Andrew Sachs' answerphone that Russell Brand fucked his granddaughter. So what? The BBC has always had a bit of a po-faced attitude which took root in "the Beginning" - in (The)Lord Reid's day. In those days, Christians did not fuck except to procreate and the Brits were still suffering from the post-Victorian sex hangover which regrettably still persists to this day. The Brits are obsessed by sex, [...]
The Speech 2008
Gordon preparing for his speech. A lot of amateur analysis will clog tomorrow's newspapers, so I'll keep it short. Gordon Brown's 2008 conference speech was not good. It did have the effect of a temporary reprieve but Brown is still hoping that someone will manage to get at the jury before they deliver their final verdict. The decision will arrive sometime after the next by-election. That's about one month away. David Miliband looked far too smug, Starling smiled and what the hell was [...]
A Grimm tale
HBOS and Lloyds The Republic of Mancunia's football team (the American one , not the Arab one) appears to have a new shirt sponsor by proxy. The AIG logo currently on the front of Manchester United's shirts may soon be replaced. AIG is now 80% owned by the US Treasury which neatly completes the Americanisation of the team. So what about the new logo? The Statue of Liberty? The Stars and Stripes? Uncle Sam? Or perhaps, more appropriately, a $-sign? Will they now be known as [...]
Mills and Doom
The following article appeared in the Daily Mirror on 11th September 2008 and is reproduced with the kind permission of its author, the delectable Polly Hudson. Heather Mills, unable to talk about her marriage/divorce due to a gagging (not literally, unfortunately) order is writing a novel about the marriage/divorce of a campaigning model and an ageing music legend. She's flogging it for a million pounds. Publication is months away but I've managed to get my hands on her outline for [...]
Selina Scott – The Dark Night.
"Michael Winner and Old Dear" The Selina Scott femino-ageist issue is still burning - the latest flaming arrow having been fired by the Patron Saint of Ego - his Esureness , Michael Winner. Winner's motives as ever, are suspect - probably something to do with not having been breast-fed. QUOTE from Winner : "There's nothing sadder than a bunch of unemployable has-beens rising up like the witches in Macbeth and moaning ITV is unfair to us because we're old" Winner should know all [...]
Selina’s Sell-by Date.
Selina Scott looks as if she is going to sue Channel 5 for femino-ageist naughtiness. She says that she had been hired to read the news while Natasha Kaplinsky was on leave but Channel 5 went back its word and hired someone else. They hired Isla Tranquair and Matt Barbet. Unfortunately, they are both younger than Ms Scott - and probaby cheaper as well. But this is not about money. This has to be about the scourge of ageism. Ms Scott is 57. Isla's and Matt's combined [...]
Olympics 2008 – the Epilogue.
We like His Borissness and we always enjoy the studied buffoonery. This time it began with the unfurling of the Olympic flag at the end of the closing ceremony in Beijing. Would he or wouldn't he? Of course, it was OK in the end. There is only one question which my toff mates have been unable answer : how does Boris make a Saville Row number look like Eastender Minty's boiler suit? That is real style. The double-decker bus which opened like a Chancellor's purse was OK but the [...]
Adrian Sudbury
This week has amplified our collective superficiality and our blindly inane worship of Celebrity. You think that Gary Glitter is a celebrity? Here is a real one: Adrian Sudbury was a reporter for both the Huddersfield Express and Chronicle and the Huddersfield Examiner. In November 2006 the 25-year-old was promoted to digital journalist, effectively editing the new-look Examiner website. Just two days into his new role he became seriously ill and called in sick. A week [...]
Brian of Britain
"Pillow-eating?" Brian (Fidel) Reade is arguably the best columnist around and the best-loved Scouser since James Maybrick but there are occasions when he appears to be playing without the full complement of marbles. This week's article in the Daily Mirror finds our Brian suggesting that GB's sporting success has largely been made possible through the munificence of successive Labour governments. Pity Labour cannot do the same for the economy. Brian blaming [...]
All that Glitters is not Gadd…………………
Good to see Gary Glitter knocking up those airmiles. He should have enough for a laptop by now. Why the slavering media pack? Why the interest? There are two main streams of opinion about Glitter's unfortunate predicament: 1. "He's served his time , paid his debt to society so leave him alone." 2. "Cut his bollocks off." He is a seedy old man who has always been known as a bit of a perv and he has (literally) screwed his life up. There is a chance that he is deriving some [...]
Cannes 1978-2008
She was only a dream of what should have been Alfa Romeos and sun. Brandy, cigars, black Gibson guitars; Things I've never done. .....to be continued..................................
The rats were digging – now they’re leaving.
Alistair Darling We have devoted quite a bit of time and space to Mervyn King, his band of funsters and their effectiveness in doing anything at all to the economy. Currently, they are totally boxed in. They cannot attempt to stimulate the economy by dropping rates because inflation is running away - it is out of control and as usual, the BoE is just an expensively suited observer. There is as saying: 1. There are those who make things [...]
Brown Dread 2
“So, let me get this straight. You’re telling me that I fucked up again. Right? Let me tell you something , you punks. You keep messing with me - you know the sort of thing - not voting for the Party and showing me disrespect and other stuff. The Crewe caper was a one-off temporary setback. This Glasgow temporary setback is another one-off temporary setback which is unlikely to be repeated while I'm in charge. I am still the most popular leader since Alec Douglas-Homo. That [...]
Sitting in the Dock of eBay
Please click on "COMMENT" (above). The comments will show at the bottom of this page. Ebay says that it is merely a “platform” where buyers and sellers can meet and so it has no financial responsibility towards its buyers. Occasionally it may help a buyer to recoup losses but it is a long drawn-out process. The recent court victory by the Louis Vuitton Group does not seem to have affected ebay in any way and it has stated that it is to lodge [...]
Dwain NOT in “The Clear”
"Thanks for everything." Today, Justice Sir Colin Mackay refused to grant an injunction temporarily suspending a lifetime Olympic ban imposed on self-confessed drugs cheat Dwain Chambers by the British Olympic Association (BOA) under a bylaw. Some may argue that Chambers should have been given a second chance - especially as he confessed to taking the banned steroid THG ( also known as "The Clear"). The fact is that had he been reinstated, it would have sent out the wrong message [...]
Rajendra – The difference between Research and Plagiarism.
Dr Anthony Morgan, the chair of the General Medical Council (GMC) Fitness to Practice Panel to Rajendra Persaud: "The panel is of the view that you must have known that your actions in allowing the work of others to be seen as though it was your own would be considered dishonest by ordinary people." "The panel has therefore determined that your actions were dishonest in accordance with the accepted definition of dishonesty in these proceedings. The panel has determined that your [...]
Where’s that F******g folder?
" Found this on a train. I wonder if the BBC might be interested." Let's look at the evidence: 1. There is a difficult vote for the Government. 2. A folder with low-level "SECRET" information is found on a train a few days before. 3. The finder takes or sends the folder to the BBC. 4. The BBC tells the world on the day of the vote and only then hands the documents to the police. 5. The Government is seriously embarrassed but goes on to win the vote. 6. The BBC and [...]
Whale Meet Again.
James and Melinda We are a middle-of-the-road country with middle-of-the-road views. We even listen to middle-of -the-road music. Even our food is middle-of-the-road, universally lampooned for its middle-of-the-road blandness. It is not surprising therefore that the UK's antidote to bland radio and one of the nation's giants of positivity and clear thinking - James Whale- has been sacked. He has been sacked by Talksport - a radio station which crashed onto the airwaves with [...]
