‘Education’ Archives
Tried “Hotlegging”?
EVEN SOLDIERS PISS ON MONUMENTS Give pees a chance Pissing in public has always been a great student sport. Shop doorways, car parks, lifts, telephone boxes, graveyards and many other quiet venues have had their fair share. The secret is to do it discreetly and quickly. However Philip Laing, a 19-year-old student not only urinated over a poppy-wreath which happened to be on a war memorial but he was photographed doing it. His mum must be so proud - especially as the photo was [...]
Spelthorne? Moorlands?
David Witshire MP David Wiltshire, Conservative Member of Parliament for Spelthorne will be sitting outside the headmaster's study this morning. (more...)
Friday October 2nd 2009
Ethiopia has suddenly become the focus for all anthropologists. An ancient skeleton was found in 1992 and it has taken 17 years for the research team to rebuild it. Why all the excitement? The skeleton belongs to an in-between species of humanoid about 4.4 million years old. It has been designated Ardipithecus Ramidus. It is not “the missing link” but by extrapolation, it appears that it is probably about 9 million years since the division between apes and humans. So where was John [...]
Wednesday September 30th 2009
So the Sun will not be supporting the Labour Party. No real problems there, except the usual one. Why should an Australian like Rupert Murdoch have any say in which newspaper supports which Party. The Sun is read largely by the drooling classes who are very susceptible but regrettably, there is very little that can be done. The Sun’s sister paper , the News of the World, no doubt is poised with some salacious Labour politician scandal ready-to-go. The Sun will not just be [...]
Tuesday September 29th 2009
Interesting statistic which doesn’t appear to be receiving the publicity that it deserves: In the United States, a house is foreclosed or repossessed every 7.5 seconds. As usual, the politicians are taking care of business at the macro-level, while the grass-roots are burning. It is an excellent idea for Gordon Brown to take-on the other two Party leaders in televised debates. Any future Conservative or Liberal vote should be a “pro” Conservative or Liberal vote and not an [...]
Monday September 28th 2009
Excellent headline grabbing by that jug-eared gargoyle Andrew Marr. He is without doubt a supreme journalist but his questioning of Gordon Brown yesterday was inexcusable. Suggesting that Brown needs prescription drugs to get through the day, followed by Brown’s admission that he has trouble with his eyesight was a direction that no journalist should steer. There is a real danger that if the Tory Press goes down the ” Brown’s a sick man and therefore unfit for office” route, there [...]
Sunday September 27th 2009
Just down the road in Brighton THEY are arriving for the Labour Party Conference - or should that be the New Labour Party Conference. Did we elect Labour or NEW LABOUR? Anyway, that’s now just a technicality or a long-forgotten dream of how things could or might have been. Here’s a Labour FACT, given to me by a friend who used to be Chief Barman at the Grand Hotel. More Champagne is consumed at the Labour Party Conference than at all other conferences and he told me stories of vintage [...]
Saturday September 26th 2009
The American Fed has issued the following statement: “To provide support to mortgage lending and housing markets, and to improve overall conditions in private credit markets, the Federal Reserve will purchase a total of $1.25 trillion of agency mortgage-backed securities and up to $200 billion of agency debt.” Now we can watch the demise of the once-mighty American Dollar. Fund Managers and Investors will now start dumping dollars like confetti. A TRILLION is a million millions [...]
Friday September 25th 2009
Friday September 25th 2009 The mole who leaked the MPs’ expenses information to the Daily Telegraph has revealed what motivated him to do so - apart that is, from the £110,000 fee that he was paid. It now appears that his primary motivation was not money but the fact that serving soldiers were “moonlighting” at the House of Commons. They were working in the Security department and protecting the Civil Servants who were dealing with confidential matters - one of which was [...]
Thursday September 24th 2009
The Government has criticised the Football Association for not reforming itself. It has also asked the F.A to spend more time and resources on ethnics and women as well as telling them that they should provide better leadership. Perhaps when the F.A has completed its restructuring it can then give H.M Government a few tips. Talk about Pot-Kettle. A recent U.S survey shows that many Americans think that Tony Blair is the British Prime Minister. Someone ought to tell them who the real UK [...]
Wednesday September 23rd 2009
Apparently, there is a small but statistically significant rise in patient deaths when junior doctors start work in August. Perhaps the same survey should be done with slightly different parameters: Before pubs open and after closing time. A friend sent me a cartoon yesterday which, for the first time, explained the constant Midde East conflict . Jewish man looking up at the sky saying, “Now, let me get this straight God. The Arabs get the oil and you want us to cut the end off [...]
Tuesday September 22nd 2009
Did you see Darth Mandelson being questioned on the subject of bankers’ bonuses last night? As Business Secretary, he has the power to stop the bankers in their tracks. But he cannot and he would not answer any bonus-related questions. General Stanley McChrystal, the top US commander in Afghanistan has warned that the war there could be lost unless there is an increase in troops within a year. He is asking for an additional 30,000 troops. This is truly developing into another [...]
Monday September 21st 2009
It now appears that Womens World 800m champion Caster Semenya was tested ages ago and there has been concern over her sex for months. The issue did not suddenly materialise at the last Word Championships. The whole thing has been handed so badly that there is every likelihood of IAAF resignations. Baroness Scotland will probably resign this week. If every politician who made a mistake resigned, Westminster would be empty by now. It looks as if Megrahi is going to be the first [...]
Monday September 7th 2009-Friday September 18th 2009
Friday September 18th 2009 There has been some concern that Romell Broom may have suffered mental anguish when two Ohio State officials failed to find a vein in order to deliver a fatal injection. According to Broom’s lawyer, Broom had suffered both “mental and physical injuries” and apparently became distressed and appeared to cry. Broom was convicted of raping and then killing a 14 year-old girl. We’re too fat, we drink too much alcohol, we’re unfit, we ingest female [...]
Dope, Faith and Clarity
The British Government has spent a great deal of time classifying and reclassifying cannabis. Some argue that it is less harmful than alcohol, whereas others scream that it is the chosen smoke of Satan's junkie whore. (more...)
It’s not WHAT you know………
A report was published today which suggests that the best jobs go to the best-connected children and that job distribution is more-or-less governed by the British class system. So what? (more...)
How to…………….
There has always been an insatiable craving for advice on quick fixes to situations which we encounter in our daily lives. There is no other explanation for the ever-accelerating sales of “How to...'' books. The very first in the field was Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people”. The demand for Benjamin Spock's tome on baby care – a sort of baby Haynes Manual - sold millions. There was even a book called “How to succeed in business without really [...]
KFC is not a Knighthood, Gordon!
As a management trainer I thought that I would give Gordon Brown and his motley band of funsters a basic (and free) lesson in management - purely to help then to concentrate their minds. During this week's PMQs, David Cameron referred to the "headless chicken". His brutally eloquent summing up of the Brown style , although unoriginal is perfectly accurate. There are only a few types of generally accepted styles of management. So which one is the Labour Party using?: 1. [...]
Don’t call me Paki, Mac.
The Brits have a curious and unique obssession. The Royal family. Prince Harry is currently being put through the wringer because he referred to one of his friends as "Paki". Of course, the Politically Correct brigade is collectively creaming itself because there are not too many opportunities which enable those sanctimonious prats to be be quite as outraged as this. The most racist people on the planet are the Brits - so why the hypocrisy? Here in the UK, the Blacks get it, as do the [...]
Goodbye Callisto!
Overheard conversation between the 7th Duke of Sutherland and a peasant: PEASANT: "So how did you come into the possession of this so-called Bridgewater Loan collection, m'Lud?" DUKE: " Well Brian, that's a funny story….. When the Froggies were busy beheading their aristocracy, a relative of Louis XVl flogged the paintings to one of my ancestors who was the Duke of Bridgewater - hence the name. We're a bit strapped at the moment so I thought that I might tap up the National [...]
If it seems too good to be true……………………….
A Hedge Fund Manager The current banking chaos has been caused by nothing less than institutional fraud on a world-wide basis. The banks have defrauded each other and their clients. The alleged Bernard Madoff affair is only the latest but certainly not the last financial "naughtiness with intent" scam to be discovered. The so-called Ponzi scheme is being referred-to as a pyramid selling scheme. It is not pyramid selling – it is simply a scheme whereby old investors are paid with [...]
Baby P.
" You weren't there." There is an insidious disease which spreads through organisations and which ultimately makes them unmanageable. It is a corporate cancer and it can kill. It killed Baby P. The old British Rail became an unmanageable monster. The National Health Service is another good example, as are the Social Services, Police, our Education system and Local Authorities. It is the creeping sickness of uber-bureaucracy and continually lengthening reporting [...]
VAT are you saying?
Alistair the house elf This Government and the banks have a lot in common. They have both enjoyed many years of negligible economic turbulence and zero competition. The good times may have continued if either had noticed that Wall Street had invented the real weapons of mass destruction - the financial ones. The banks had sliced, chopped, diced and mixed bad mortgages and fashioned them into contaminative instruments of death with a built-in time fuse. The bankers' handiwork has [...]
Let’s burn some money!
"Joker burning money" The Prime Minister has announced a £1 billion energy package that could help households across the UK save more than £300 a year on their energy bills. Speaking at a Downing Street press conference, Mr Brown said the Government will legislate to channel £910 million from energy companies into energy-saving initiatives such as providing loft insulation and cavity wall insulation free of charge to elderly and low-income households and at a 50 percent discount to [...]
A Wamk in the Park.
This is from our occasional series on Magagement Bullshit. There are occasions when the message that you have received is obviously wrong but you are not sure quite what the sender meant. For instance, the five-word title to this article is a texting-error about a walk in the park. The full message was: "Thought a lot about you last night and then had a long wamk in the park." Below is a list of the 20 most common corporate lies but as the message is not always [...]
A-level results 2008
An economy in trouble prints more and more money and by doing so devalues the currency which ultimately becomes worthless. An education system in trouble prints more and more degree certificates. The diagram (for those who did not pay attention at school) is a Standard Distribution curve. This type of curve represents all sorts of phenomena - especially to do with people. For instance, here in the United Kingdom we might want to look at salaries and how many people earn lots, how [...]
Want to live forever? Why?
BEFORE AFTER "If you had to pick one thing to make people healthier as they age, it would be aerobic exercise" That was said by Professor James Fries who is the founder and Medical Director of Healthtrac as well as a Professor of Medicine at Stanford University. More academic nonsense? A study appears to have shown that running on a regular basis can slow the effects of ageing. The study also showed that elderly joggers were half as likely to die [...]
Dwain NOT in “The Clear”
"Thanks for everything." Today, Justice Sir Colin Mackay refused to grant an injunction temporarily suspending a lifetime Olympic ban imposed on self-confessed drugs cheat Dwain Chambers by the British Olympic Association (BOA) under a bylaw. Some may argue that Chambers should have been given a second chance - especially as he confessed to taking the banned steroid THG ( also known as "The Clear"). The fact is that had he been reinstated, it would have sent out the wrong message [...]
Knife in the fast lane.
" Listen up punks" "We are clearing the decks, cutting the red tape, cutting back on bureaucracy, making it possible for policemen and women to spend far more time on the beat answering people's inquiries, in touch with local communities - a visible presence on the beat so that more and more people will see a policeman or woman there and able to help them." Gordon Brown has said that more people will see more police officers on the streets under new reforms announced today. About [...]
One that is wearingly dull, repetitive, or tedious.
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the accountant, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. There are so many unfair jokes which poke fun at accountants. Here are some more: An accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turned into a golden coach. The accountant concluded the story: " [...]
Toff at the Top
Is this the sort of man that we want to lead us? Or shall we go for something like this: The Crewe by-election is extracting the best and worst from the British psyche. The British working classes worship Royalty and the upper classes, yet at the same time they bemoan the fact that they (the toffs) are out of touch with the average working man. They (the workers) have a chronic inferiority complex and will always defer to anyone who speaks with a "posh" accent but like to [...]
Fry Sat Son
"I think that a good flogging should improve your SATs scores!!" The literati illuminati of childrens' fiction have come out in favour of dumping those pesky stress-inducing SATs tests. Firstly, for those of you without children, SATs are the Standard Assessment Tests which are administered to schoolchildren at the end of Year 2, Year 6 and Year 9. They are used as a comparative measure of a child's progress, relative to other pupils of the same age and at the same stage of [...]
The Manhattan Declaration on Climate Change
This declaration was made on March 4th 2008. (The 2008 International Conference on Climate Change’, March 2 - March 4, 2008 was attended by over 500 people (scientists, economists, policy makers, etc.), with over 100 speakers delivering keynote addresses, or participating in panel discussions.) The Manhattan Declaration on Climate Change ‘Global warming’ is not a global crisis We, the scientists and researchers in climate and related fields, economists, policymakers, and [...]
Financial Frankenstein.
Brian Reade has recently written about our collective obsession with the housing market - specifically the misguided belief that somehow our wealth is measured by the value of our home. (NO SYMPATHY NOW YOU'R BRICKING IT - Daily Mirror 10th April 2008). I still remember those far-off Seventies when every day was sunny and our financial life was so blindingly simple. The Bank issued chequebooks and dished out overdrafts and small loans, the Building Society lent you money so that you [...]
Questions for Fatsos.
SPYGUN HAS ADOPTED A SYMPATHETIC APPROACH TO FAT PEOPLE. Not so long ago, I walked into our local school playground. The sight that battered my eyeballs made me think that I had blundered into an arse-growing competition where there were no losers. There also appeared to be a gut growing competition in the corner. Many easily qualified for both competitions. Sadly, these were adults in their 20s and 30s waiting to pick up their young children. If you are a fat bastard of either sex (or [...]
Moron than I can say.
The average footballer has the brain of an isopod, the social graces of an Albanian peasant, the communication skills of a special needs student and the vocabulary of a 13 year-old asbotic. That could pose a problem for his manager. Luckily, most managers come from the same background so they can communicate with their man by drooling, shouting and grunting until there is a glimmer, followed (eventually) by a mutual understanding. If you listen carefully to a radio or TV [...]
Embryo or not embryo?
The old blokes in long frocks and funny hats have been making noises. Yes, it's the Roman Catholic hierarchy again. So when does the soul enter the cluster of cells? Is it when the sperm penetrates the egg wall? Does it sneak in through the puncture? Does it wait until the cells have divided once? Does the soul arrive after 24 weeks of development? 500 years ago, the church would have invented an answer. Unfortunately for them, the education of the masses has meant that they have to [...]
Chavopoly
Click on this: chavopoly1.jpg This is for all you chav fans. Learn about these people because they will inherit the earth. Learn about their customs, clothes, recipes, language, habitat and culture. Some regard them as a bit of a joke but it is only a matter of time before they will demand their own State and within two generations, they may begin to breed with humans. The human/chav hybrid will have the brain of a human and the dress-sense and class of a chav. Let's hope that [...]
Are you taking the pikey?
Media commentators have done a wonderful job of not saying what they want to say when comparing the Shannon and Maddie abductions. Mutterings about "less attractive and not-so media-savvy people" and "more articulate and better looking parents" are a cop-out. So is "Why is it that the McCanns had so much more publicity than Shannon's parent(s)?" We all know the answer: Pikeys get a worse deal in the media that posh people . Plus, they are manipulated for the sake of more interesting [...]
Education or exam-coaching?
For the last twenty years, we have been confusing Education with Qualifications. Consequently we have a generation of highly-qualified uneducated people. Morons with Degrees.
Stupid people
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Just look back through history - if you know how. More recent proof: Shannon's family. They managed to generate a media circus, get on the telly and get pissed. The choker is that it was all for free.
